Stop Telling Kids to Believe in Themselves

Every week, we're talking how to build legendary kids.

I spent this weekend with my daughter talking about a dream she has. She’s insightful and inquisitive, so wants to try journalism– but there’s a catch: her inner voice told her she won’t be very good.

I wanted to tell her not to listen to that voice, and that she just needed to believe in herself. But then I remembered an essay from one of my favorite writers, Ryan Holiday, called “Believing in yourself is overrated.”

His point is: she doesn’t just need to imagine success. What she needs is evidence she can be successful.

That’s what confidence is—and research suggests he’s right. There are just three things I need to do to help her:

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• Reid Hoffman and Aria Finger on future of entertainment and AI via Trevor Noah’s podcast (H/T Sam, a Legends teammate)

Actionable Advice from our Head of Program & Development

There’s a lot of “conventional wisdom” out there when it comes to helping kids quiet their inner critic. And some of it isn’t very wise at all.

Here are three common tactics that won’t work when trying to get your kid out of a negative thought spiral—and three things to try instead.   

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Research TLDRs from our Director of Research & Evaluation

Research by Ethan Kross at University of Michigan’s Emotion and Self-Control Lab has shown that one way to defeat negative self-talk is through self-distancing. Self-distancing means thinking of ourselves more objectively, as if a friend were coming to you for help—but the person you’re helping is you.

Here’s what it is, why it works, and how to do it.

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A word from our Executive Director of Legends Lab Foundation

I teach a freshman seminar at Duke University that encourages students to find themselves, their voice, and their community. When I introduce them to various meditative practices, I suggest they do their best to recognize their random thoughts and let them go, without judgment and with great compassion. Might this same strategy work with our inner critic?

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