Research Brief: The Research Behind Self-Distancing

The little voice inside your head. Your inner monologue. Covert speech. Verbal thinking. Self-talk. It goes by many names, but the way we communicate with ourselves can have a profound impact on our lives. That inner voice can be our biggest cheerleader or our worst critic, and for better or worse, it comes early. There’s evidence that development of internal language can appear by the time kids are 18-months-old. By early and middle childhood, it plays an important part of cognitive development as we level up our abilities in planning, emotional regulation, and other executive functions.

Higher levels of self-reinforcing self-talk is associated with positive self-esteem and frequent, automatic positive self-statements. But critical self-talk is associated with lower self-esteem and frequent, automatic negative self-statements. Negative self-talk can stimulate our fight or flight response, causing stress, or it can distract us from focusing on what’s going on in the real world. Fortunately, there are several strategies that can help to silence that inner critic.

Research by Ethan Kross at University of Michigan’s Emotion and Self-Control Lab has shown that one way to defeat negative self-talk is through self-distancing. Self-distancing means thinking of ourselves more objectively, as if a friend were coming to you for help, but the person you’re helping is you. Self-distancing can help to reconstruct negative experiences and provide closure, while also preventing future rumination. That’s because instead of recounting experiences immersed in intense negative emotions, you’re able to see the big picture. This facilitates self-reflection and meaning making in the long term, and reduces distress in the short term. Instead of remembering how angry something made you feel and dwelling on that, you’re stepping back to see what you’ve learned from the experience.

Studies have also found that distanced self-talk can help with emotional regulation (whether thinking about past or future negative experiences) and can reduce angry feelings, aggressive thoughts and aggressive behaviors. It turns out that literally using the language of your own name instead of saying “I” puts your brain into coach/observer mode and helps you to think more clearly, and with less negative emotion. For example, instead of thinking “I’m worried what people will think about my new research,” I might say “Brian, every time you’ve presented at a conference it’s gone great, this time will be no different.”

And fortunately, self-distancing is an effective technique for kids, helping them to think more clearly about negative experiences and reducing emotional reactivity. A study in the running for best name ever even found that having five-year-olds self-distance from their problems by asking “What would Batman do” improved executive function performance.

So the next time your child finds themselves worrying about something, transform their inner critic to their inner coach. Help them speak to themselves using their first name and approach the problem as if they’re giving advice to a friend. Or if they’re stuck ruminating about something that’s happened already, help them see the big picture and think about the event as an observer instead of immersing themselves in remembered thoughts and feelings.

These self-distanced perspectives will help them make better decisions, while reducing recurring negative thoughts and feelings. Not to mention, any excuse to break out my Batman voice is a win in my book.