Confidence Looks Different

Every week, we're talking how to build legendary kids.

The first time I considered the idea of confidence was when I saw my grandfather’s retirement ceremony from the Indian Air Force.

He wasn’t the biggest or strongest person in the room, but he was brave, well-respected by everyone, and comfortable in the brightest light that day– as he received one final shiny star on a uniform laden with medals of accomplishment.

The more I looked around, the more confidence seemed like a gift—something some people were just innately born with. I thought of it as “star power.”

But as I dug deeper, that idea was dispelled.

The more I learned about my grandfather, the more I realized it was something he developed—the result of navigating difficult circumstances with no other choice.

And I wasn’t just wrong about my grandfather. As I’ve learned more about confidence, I realized it’s not a thing people are just born with and it’s not reserved only for “stars.”

My grandfather may have been confident on that stage, but maybe less so when he was trying to check his email for the first time. Just because you’re confident in one area, doesn’t mean you’re confident in all.

Our research team recently finished a six-month study on confidence (read more in Dr. B’s piece below), and one of my favorite findings is our 6 unique confidence profiles. We discovered that kids who scored super high in self-worth (in green), scored much lower in resilience or kids who scored lower in purpose (blue) scored much higher in growth mindset.

There are six of these profiles for kids, and understanding them means we can offer a more personalized program, where kids can get practice in the areas they need growth.

Our findings prove that confidence doesn’t have to look only one way. Although, man it did look good in a crisp tan suit and shiny medals…

• Famous growth mindset researcher Carol Dweck’s 10 tips for sport parents

• Jennifer Coolidge on her hilarious (and relatable!) way to cure self-doubt

• Fun AI tool that lets kids wear the art they create

• Jony Ive, the former Design Head at Apple on the unpredictability of creativity (H/T Legends Teammate Harry)

• Michael Phelp’s unbelievable worth ethic that separates Legends

Research TLDRs from our Director of Research & Evaluation

You’re probably familiar with other examples of “profiling” or “typing” like MBTI, enneagrams, or Zodiac signs. It’s one thing to be assigned to a group based on your birthday, but to create these groups mathematically, we use a procedure called latent profile analysis. We evaluate whether grouping people up based on similar response patterns may be a useful way to understand the data.

In this case, we identified six distinct profiles of confidence among children in this age range. You can think of these response patterns as constellations of confidence, and you can see how each profile scored relatively higher or lower across categories of confidence.

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Actionable Advice from our Head of Program & Development

When you look at our national survey results, one thing is clear: kids are being hard on themselves. More than any other element of self-confidence, our data shows that kids struggle with what researchers call self-compassion.

Even for a kid who knows that they’re capable and loved, constant self-criticism can drag them down over time. There’s lots of research on how to build your own self-compassion as an adult. But what do you say to a kid who is struggling with being kind to themselves?

Here are three things to do with a kid who’s too tough on themselves.

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A word from our Executive Director of Legends Lab Foundation

As I have tried over the years to help young colleagues transition to the work of Student Affairs, I have been reminded by these new professionals about how intimidating college students can sometimes be. But no matter how smart, how well-traveled, or how experienced these students may be, they would regularly share with me how they lacked confidence in various aspects of their lives.

I can vividly recall attending a symphony orchestra concert and enjoying the performance of a student I knew. How can he do that? There he was, on stage, playing a piano solo in front of hundreds of people with such self-assurance, when earlier that week, he had shared his struggle to speak up in a 15-person class.

In the end, what I’ve observed about students, about myself, about people in general is that even though we may appear to be confident, we may not truly feel it. And if we do feel it, we may not always feel it.

READ ON →

The Legender will return on the week of the 26th